


Glass

by bangin_patchouli



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: All Rights to Cassie, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, If You Squint - Freeform, Kind of has depression-ish, Sad, Wessa, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3699164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangin_patchouli/pseuds/bangin_patchouli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-<br/>"Are you alright?" Her voice was soft, like if she were to speak forcefully, glass might shatter. The glass was Will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glass

* * *

-

      It was cold, even for winter in London. But it was so _beautiful._ The snow had coated the streets in a lovely manner. The flurries of snowflakes floated down gracefully from the clouds. As Tessa sat ion the windowsill, she saw a small boy bend down to touch the snow, but his guardian, a slender woman with long black hair, scolded him. Tessa smiled and let out a breath of a laugh. Her air rebounded onto the window and back onto her. It came back freezing, and she shivered.

      "It sure is cold, isn't it, miss?" Sophie said quietly from behind Tessa. She hummed in agreement.

      "It is quite cold," a soft voice emerged from the doorway. Tessa turned to see who it was. Jem. He smiled at her with easy compassion. Though his smile showed the positive emotion, his eyes showed worry. Maybe even fear. She smiled back.

      "Jem," she said, standing from the windowsill. Sophie gave a small nod and retreated out the door. Jem stepped close to her, saying nothing. "Jem, what is it? Is something wrong?" Tessa asked, her voice tinged with worry. His light silvery eyes scanned her, as if trying to read her emotions. His metallic hair had fallen into his eyes and framed his angular face. His cheeks were hollow and void of color.

      "It's..." His voice was quiet, as if it were going to break if he spoke any louder. "It's Will." Tessa breath hitched inaudibly. _No.._ Tessa scolded herself, _do not think of him that way._ She collected yourself.

      "What about M-" She stopped herself. _Will._ "Will. What about him?"

      "Something is wrong. Terribly wrong." His voice, usually calm and comforting, was shaking and scared. Tessa's heart clenched. She stuttered when she spoke.

      "Why would you come to me?" She asked. Half of her didn't want to help. The other half wanted to do anything possible to help.

      "He won't let anyone in. Not Charlotte, not anyone." Jem stopped, his eyes lowering. "Not me."

      "You think he'll listen to me?" Tessa asked, doubt and disbelief in her tone.

      "Truthfully, I am not sure," he said," but, if you want to, I believe it is worth a try." His eyes locked with hers. One of the halves won over the moment she looked into his silver eyes filled with concern, fear, and hope. She touched his forearm, where it was bare of fabric. His pale skin felt below zero. She nodded.

      "Okay. Yes, okay. I will try." _For you or for Will, I am not sure,_ she silently added.

      "Thank you, Tessa," Jem said quietly. Asking consent with his eyes, he reached for her hand politely. She blinked, taking his hand. They walked to the door, her rosy pink dress trailing behind her. Jem's hand was cold, extremely contrasting from her warm one. He let go, opening the door and letting her pass through. They walked the corridor silently, until Tessa spoke, disrupting the silence.

       "Where is he?" She asked. Then she mentally scolded herself for being to straight-forward. "I mean, I just thought you might be using a figure of speech," She corrected. "Like, the mind's doors, or something." Jem let out a ghost of a laugh.

       "No, he's in his room. Quite literally," He said, looking forward to the large stairs at the end of the hall.

       "Oh," was all Tessa said. It was quiet again, but not in an uncomfortable way. Being with Jem was never uncomfortable. They reached the stairs and bounded up, turning down the corridor on the right. Jem stopped her outside the third door on the right. He nodded at her to knock.

       "Wait, but.. Jem, I haven't a clue what to say. What if he shuts me out?" She asked.

       "Then.. I don't know then. But, please... He's never - _never_ \- done _this_ before." Tessa swallowed and nodded, turning to the door. She rapped her pale knuckles against it softly. Will's muffled voice sounded from the other side of the wood.

       "Jem, please. Just leave me alone. I'll come out later." He placed a thin sheet of false annoyance over the tone of his voice, but under, Tessa heard, was sadness and regret.

       "That's a lie," Jem muttered. "He won't come out unless we make him." Tessa knocked again.

       "Will, it's Tessa," She said hesitantly. She thought she could feel his eyes on the door.

       "Tess?" He asked after a minute. She nodded, then mentally slapped herself when she remember that he couldn't see her.

       "Yes, I... " She looked to Jem, asking silently what to say. His eyes told her to tell Will the truth. "Will, Jem asked me to come see if you were alright." Silence.

       Finally, Will spoke. "Well, I'm fine so you can go." That was all.

       "Will-"

       "Tessa, it's obvious that you don't want to be here, so just.. go away again," He said, his voice void of truth.

       "Will!" Tessa raised her voice. It seemed to stop him. "Open your door. It is quite awkward speaking through it," She said, her voice stern as she tried to cover up the worry it held. Footsteps were heard, and the door swung open. Will was revealed, looming over Tessa. His dark hair, which was in need of a trim, hung loosely in his eyes, though Tessa could still see the vibrant blue of them. They stared at her, false annoyance covering up slight panic. His clothes, a simple white shirt and black trousers, looked as if they had been worn in the rain, then slept in restlessly. For all Tessa knew, maybe they had been. Tessa flushed, realizing that she had been staring. Will's eyes looked from Tessa, to Jem, where they lingered, then back to Tessa.

       "What is it you need from me?" He asked. "I _was_ quite busy, you know."

       "Doing what, exactly?" Tessa asked, knowing he was partially lying. Will rolled his eyes.

       "Can't a man do some things alone?" He questioned, façade covering his expression.

       "No," Jem said, "not if it is harmful to you, or anyone else," he continued calmly and with concealed compassion, reading Will like a book. Worry, or fear, Tessa thought, flashed momentarily in Will's eyes.

       "Well, it isn't, so - " Will began.

       "Maybe so, but that doesn't change the fact that you're hiding something. Also, it is obvious that something is bothering you. If those two are the same, I do not know, but regardless, you should speak with someone about it. Whether it be me, or Tessa, or Church, even, would do fine, for that matter." Jem laid the joke lightly on his tone. Will's bright smile was crooked, as always.

       "Well, I guess I'm off to find that wretched cat, then," Will said, moving to step passed Tessa and Jem. Tessa, not wanting to joke about this, grabbed his wrist. He stopped, looking at her with surprise flashing in his deep blue eyes.

       "Will," She said, "stop. Just stop. True, I have only known you for a shot time. But in that time, I have most certainly noticed things. I have picked up on your strange habits. You joke when you are hiding something, or when you are scared for people to find out something _you_ believe is so _horrid_ and _shameful._ You didn't let me help you that night in the attic, and I've no idea why!" Her voice raised in volume. "And if your reason is 'men should not show weakness', William Herondale, I will have you know that it is nonsense! You are _a shadowhunter,_ and shadowhunters help one another!" Tessa's voice rang out down the hall way. Will stared at her in shock, and she could feel Jem's surprised stare on her back. It was quiet for what felt like an hour. Finally, Will spoke. The sheet of protective cover had fallen away from his tone.

       "Okay," He said quietly as he looked to the floor. "Okay, you're right. I will speak with someone. Just not.. right now."

       "What do you mean?" Tessa asked.

       "I mean, if you meet me on the roof this evening..." Will trailed off, sending an unspoken message. Jem had not spoken until then.

       "Will, what exactly are you planning to do?" He asked. Will smiled.

       "Nothing much, James," He said. When Jem didn't look satisfied with his answer, Will sighed. "Don't _worry._ "

 

       When Tessa thought of Will, the day took longer. She couldn't even focus on _Wuthering Heights._ Finally, after dinner, she began to walk the stairs to the roof. Her shoes clicked on the stone of the stairs. Tessa wondered what Will could possibly be willing to tell her. It racked her nerves. When she reached the top of the stairs, she saw the door to the roof was already open. There was a figure standing against the railing - Will. Tessa took the steps to reach him. Nothing was said between the two for a moment. Then Will spoke.

       "I really do wish I could tell you." His voice didn't sound as it usually did. It sounded sad and... lost. Un-Will-like.

       "What do you mean? What can you not tell me?" She asked. As his tone surprised her, she tried to make her tone as gentle and compassionate as possible. He turned to look at her, then. His eyes were dull, filing down the vibrant blue to a more light color, like a Siberian Squill flower. Tessa loved those flowers; she used to see them all the time, back in New York. She would never have thought anything about Will could be familiar. Despite that, Tessa found herself discovering more about him that should feel like home, _did_ feel like home. She wanted to embrace him, wrap her arms around him in hopes to comfort the storm that raged in him. She also wanted to scold herself for thinking that, but she didn't. But she did not put her arms around him, in fear of rejection.

       "I mean if I tell you, you might care for me, and that can't happen. It just _can't,_ " He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Tessa felt her heart clench.

       Will felt his throat burn with tears he absolutely _refused_ to let fall. He wanted to step closer to her, envelope her in his arms, and bury his face in her hair, so if they did escape, she wouldn't see. He couldn't tell her, not ever.

       "Can't me _what,_ Will?" Tessa asked, her eyes showing concern and confusion.

       "That's the thing, Tess," He said, dropping his voice to a low whisper. He was so quiet, Tessa almost could not hear him. She moved closer slowly. He did not back away. Hesitantly, she raised her hand and placed it on his arm. He jumped, but he didn't jerk away. Will's muscles were tense, his knuckles whitening as they held on tightly to the iron railing. Tessa removed her hand from his arm to place her fingers over his. When she looked into Will's eyes again, she saw them shine in the moonlight. She rubbed her thumb across the top of his hand, trying a soothing gesture. His eyes pleaded with her, the blue drawing her in.

       "I want to help, Will, but I don't have a clue how," she said softly.

       "You don't mean that." That stung, but Tessa could tell he was hurting more than a mere sting. He must have felt like somebody had stabbed him and was twisting the blade _over and over,_ but he still wasn't dead. Maybe he wished he was.

       "I do, Will. I _do_ mean it. And, whether you believe it or not, I care for you. You _should_ believe it. I care, Jem cares, and Henry and Charlotte care, as well. All of do, and we want to help you, but we don't know how to help you. Jem is right; you have to talk to someone."

       "I can't. I can't!" He became louder. "I can't tell anyone, ever! They would try to understand, they would care, and then they would _die!_ " Will's voice broke, shattered like glass, and he looked away. Tessa thought she saw a tear drop glisten on his cheek before his thick, dark hair covered his eyes.

       "Will-" He turned to look at her. She had been right; his eyes were red-rimmed, and tear trails shone down his pale cheeks. Even his tears were beautiful, Tessa thought.

       "Tess, please." She was not sure what he was pleading her for, but his jaw was clenched, as well as his hand on the railing. His eyes, blue as the sky illuminated by the London city lights, were glassed over and bright with panic. Will shut his eyes, then suddenly sank to the ground. Tessa stood frozen for a moment before dropping to her knees beside him. He dragged his fingers through his black hair once before burying his face in his arms. Tessa was surprised into speechlessness. With a nervous tremble, she placed her hand on his shoulder tentatively.

       "Will.." His name, in wistfulness, was all she could murmur. She felt his trying to repress his shaking, and her heart ached. There was literally _nothing_ she could think to do. She should get Jem, she thought, beginning to stand up -

       Will grabbed her wrist, surprising her, but she stopped.

       "Tess, please. Just stay here. Please..." He pleaded. Will Herondale, _begging_ for her to stay.

       "Will - " Tessa murmured, abruptly stopping when he looked up to her. Tear, reddening his cheeks, were glistening like tiny, clear streams down his cheeks, and Tessa felt her heart wrench in astonishment and secondhand pain. Without thinking, she dropped to her knees again beside him. With a look of questioning in his stormy blue eyes, like crashing waves, he asked _please?_ and Tessa nodded, opening her arms. And suddenly, he was against her. With his arms tightly around her waist and his face buried in her hair on her shoulder, Tessa felt him shuddering. She wrapped one arm around him, the other reaching up to tangle gently into his ink black, disheveled hair. He was hyperventilating slightly, and Tessa held him tighter against her, the pressure against her body showing he had done as well. A small, muffled sob escaped his lips and he pulled away sharply. Tessa could see his face, and she impulsively leaned forward. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, her hands on each side of his pale, tearstained face. His blue eyes would not meet her fierce, protective gray ones.

       She wanted to say so many things to him, ask so many questions. _Is this you trusting me?_ Why _are you trusting me?_ Most of all, she wanted to ask the cause of this bout. She did not ask any of those questions.

       Instead, she asked a different, simpler question. "Are you alright?" Her voice was soft, like if she were to speak forcefully, glass might shatter. The glass was Will. His eyes finally met hers. In that moment, she saw that his eyes _looked_ like glass. He gave a miniscule shake of his dark head.

       "No," He whispered, as if he didn't trust his voice not to break. Tessa rubbed his arm comfortingly, all hesitancy gone. All that mattered to her at that moment was making sure Will was unhurt, for the time being. Tessa knew, for sure then, that her feelings for Will had not gone, but had been dormant. And the volcano was about to explode.

       Will sucked in a breath, as if he were about to submerge under water. When he let it out, he face paled, and he collapsed into her. H's whole body gave a massive shudder, then he went limp, save his short, rapid breathing.

       "Will, what's wrong?" She murmured, continuing to wrap her arms around him again. A trembling breath left him. _Exhaustion.. He hasn't slept or eaten in days..._ Tessa silently realized. Her heart lurched with worry and sympathy.

       "Will, how many days?" She asked, looking up to the dark, star-littered sky. It reminded her of Will's eyes when he was angry. Now, she was sure they were the bright, bright blue of the Forget Me Not's outside her window.

       "I-I don't.." _I don't know._

       "Will, please. I swear I will not tell another soul, but I need you to tell me," She said, her voice collected and assertive. "I can help you." At that, he pushed away. They were exactly the color of the bright, yet sad, blue flowers in the sill on her window.

       "No," He whispered. "No one can help me! No one would want to!" Tessa was nearly taken aback by that, but she had grown used to it. She did not blink or move.

       "Will... Why? Why do you think that?" She asked, her voice minimized. He was leaned against the railing, his whole body rigid with adrenaline, once again. His eyes shone through his black hair, but something else shone in them: regret and want. Tessa knew he _wanted_ to let her help. Something was stopping him. But also in his eyes was sadness. The sadness poured through, tinting his eyes gray. Backing his hands up onto the railing, Will shot to his feet. Almost immediately, he stumbled, and Tessa sparked upward, her arms out. He backed up and leaned heavily against the railing. His eyes were shut, his hair covering them, and his grip on the steel railing turned his already pale knuckles even whiter.

       "Will..." Tessa murmured, her voice raising an octave. He flashed a glance at her. "How many days has it been since the last time you ate or slept?" Her quiet voice was stately and careful.

       "Five days," he whispered, sinking slowly to the ground again.

       "Both?" He nodded. She didn't say anything. She looked at him as he sat, knees pulled to his chest, shamefully. _Oh, Will... What has happened..?_ Maybe he was always like this, and he'd just gotten so well at disguising it. Wordlessly, she stuck her hand out for him. Will looked up, hopeful and ashamed, at her, radiating confusion. She nodded. He hesitantly reached for her hand. When they met each other's hands, Tessa felt that his was ice cold, as if he had stuck it in the snow just seconds before. He pushed himself, slightly trembling, from the ground, and with a gentle grip, Tessa began to lead him through the door and back into the warmth of the Institute.

       Half way down the stairs, Tessa felt Will start to lean slightly on her side. All reason to be surprised had gone, and she said nothing, feeling him ease into the little touch. Tessa, once they had reached the bottom of the steps, took the right hall to the kitchen.

       "Where are we going?" Will asked, his voice low. She squeezed his hand, not intentionally. She had been used to it, from Nate. Tessa felt anger and longing swell up in her throat. She hated to think about her brother.

       "The kitchen," Tessa murmured back, "You need to eat. The longest record is only seven days, you know. Without food, I mean."

       "I'm a shadowhunter, Tess." _Tess_. "I'd last longer than that." Tessa felt slightly undignified at his quiet argument, but more so she felt relived; _he will be alright._

       "Well, that might be so, but you've got to feel quite exhausted." She knew she was right.

       "What makes you say so?" Though the words carried joke and playfulness, his voice _did_ sound of exhaustion.

       "You are nearly completely leaning yourself against me," said Tessa. Then she became bold. "I've never seen you do that with anyone." There was a stretch of silence.

       "No one else is here that I feel the way I do about you." Pause. "And I'm trying to put my trust in you." A blade stabbed at Tessa's heart.

       "Will," her tone had become gentle again, "you can trust me. Me and Jem, if no one else." She stopped walking and turned to look at him. He quickly looked to the window. Bright moonlight of the _plenilunium_ broke through the window, showing brilliantly against Will's skin. He looked magnificent, as if from a fantasy. One would think he was a lovely maiden's Prince Charming. No, he was not. In order to fix and help someone else, one has to be whole oneself. Will Herondale was not.

      

       In silence, Tessa and Will reached the kitchen. It hadn't been an uncomfortable silence, but a meaningful one. Tessa quickly arranged a small meal on a metal tray: bread, milk, and an apple. It was just enough to keep him sustained.

       After refusing his insisting offer to carry the tray for her, they reached the corridor to his room. There, they sat in the luminous, calming brightness of the witchlight. Will slowly, but surely ate the meal. Some, but barely enough, of the color had returned to his ghostly cheeks.

       "Here," Tessa said, leaning forward, " Sophie taught me to do this if I'm a bit pale." She then reached up to gently pinch his cheeks. His eyes widened with shock, amusement dancing in them as well.

       "Am I really that colorless?" He asked. Tessa nodded. Smiling slightly, Will ducked his head down, and Tessa heard him yawn. When she could see his face again, she bravely reached to him and softly brushed the dark, tousled hair away from his eyes. She felt him nearly flinch back.

       "You need to sleep." She rested her hand softly against his cheek.

       "I can't." Tessa moved her hand to cover his as it lay almost limply in his lap. It was just as icy and ashen as the rest of him.

       "What if I stay?" His eyes sent a message: _Would you?_ Not hesitantly, but carefully, they stood and walked into Will's room, to his disheveled bed. Each slipping off shoes, they climbed to the middle, despite the messy sheets. Tessa motioned for Will to lay against her as she leaned with her back on the headboard. He did; his dark head rested on her chest, and he held her hand with both of his. Her arm wrapped comfortingly around his waist. At first, he jumped, then relaxed. Tessa knew it wouldn't always be this way, but he needed someone at that moment. So, on that night, she held onto him, silently telling him that everything would be alright. One day, it would.

 


End file.
